Learning how to stop being a people pleaser is the key to reclaim your life, prioritize your own happiness and start living in a way that feels true and amazing to you.
Being a people pleaser can have negative effects on our mental health, including stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
People pleasing is a habit that can be difficult to break, but it’s important to recognize when it’s time to stop trying to make everyone else happy and start taking care of yourself.
This habit typically arises from a desire for acceptance and approval from others. This need for external validation can manifest itself in different ways such as trying too hard to please everyone around you or feeling like you have no control over any situation.
Many times, this type of behavior leads to unhappy relationships and an overall sense of unhappiness within oneself.
5 Steps To Stop Being A People Pleaser
Here are 7 steps to stop being a people pleaser to start putting yourself first:
- Identify your patterns
- Focus on personal growth
- Learn to say no
- Set healthy boundaries
- Seek support
Identify People Pleasing Patterns
The first step in changing any behavior is to become aware of it.
Take some time to reflect on the situations in which you tend to be a people pleaser.
- Do you always say yes to requests, even when they conflict with your own plans?
- Do you avoid confrontation, even when someone is treating you poorly?
- Do you put aside your own needs and desires to make others happy?
- being overly agreeable
- apoliogizing too much
- saying yes when you mean no
- feeling resentful after agreeing to do something that you don’t want to
- doing things for other people in order to feel needed or important
Once you have a better understanding of when and why you tend to be a people pleaser, you can start to work on changing these patterns.
People pleasing is a common behavior among many people, however few realize its harmful effects.
People pleasers often try to conform to what others want, even when it involves putting their own needs aside.
This habit can lead to a lack of self-respect and standing up for oneself.
Putting other peoples’ wants before your own has the potential to make you feel undervalued and unappreciated over time.
People who struggle with people pleasing tend to experience feelings of depression, guilt and anxiety more frequently than those without such habits.
In an effort to please others, they might find themselves constantly making excuses or apologizing for things that are out of their control – which can damage relationships in the long run.
Furthermore, seeking approval from others can be tiring and never ending as there is no way one can ever please everyone all the time.
Focus On Personal Growth
One of the main reasons you may be a people pleaser is that you may have low self esteem. You may think that other people’s needs are more important than yours.
A great way of drastically improving your self esteem is by focusing on personal growth to:
- love yourself first
- become more self aware
- identify your values
- improve self esteem
- improve self confidence
Learning to love yourself unconditionally is perhaps the key to overcome being a people pleaser. When you love yourself, you know what you want and that it matters.
Loving yourself gives you the self esteem and confidence to know and believe that you are still worthy of love even if you prioritize your wants and needs.
Self-awareness involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This can help you to try to understand why you tend to be a people pleaser.
When you’re more self-aware, you’ll be better equipped to make changes that are aligned with your values and goals.
You should devote time to think about what’s important to you.
What do you value most in life? What do you want to stand for?
When you have a clear sense of your values, it will be easier to make decisions that are in line with what’s truly important to you, rather than simply trying to please others.
One of the best ways to embark on your personal growth journey is through inner work, journaling and meditation.
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Learn To Say No
In our society, it can be difficult for people to learn how to say no.
Saying “no” can be difficult, especially if you’re used to saying “yes” all the time.
However, learning to say “no” is an important step in breaking the cycle of people pleasing.
Saying “no” can be an intimidating experience for many people, especially a people pleaser. It often feels like a rejection of the person asking, or refusal to take on a task.
Saying “no” does not have to be a painful experience; rather, it is a necessary skill that we must practice in order gain a greater sense of control over our lives and achieve more balance between work and play.
Start by saying “no” to small requests, and then work your way up to saying “no” to bigger requests.
Remember, it’s okay and very healthy to put your own needs first and to prioritize your own happiness.
When you’re asked something that you don’t have time (or desire) to do, it can help to be honest and up front about why you need to say “no”.
Explain why you can’t commit right now without offering any excuses—this will help the other person understand your decision and respect it.
If they try to pressure you into changing your mind, don’t feel obligated; stand firm in your decision but remain polite throughout the conversation.
Sometimes, it can help to have a script prepared in advance so you feel more confident saying no.
For example, you could say something like, “I’m sorry I can’t do that. I have other plans for this weekend. Let me know if you need help in the future.”
Explain why you can’t commit right now without offering any excuses this will help the other person understand your decision and respect it.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Learning how to set healthy boundaries can help prevent people pleasing behavior and foster a sense of well-being in individuals.
Setting boundaries is also an important part of putting yourself first. This means making clear what you’re willing and not willing to tolerate in your relationships.
For example, you might set a boundary around the amount of time you’re willing to dedicate to work each week, or around the type of behavior you’ll tolerate from friends or family members.
Boundaries are limits or rules that we set for ourselves so that our needs are met and respected by others.
Setting healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining our well-being as it allows us to create a balance between taking care of ourselves while still being able to fulfill other’s expectations.
Seek Support
If you feel like you need extra support, please prioritize.
Breaking the cycle of people pleasing can be challenging, especially if it’s been a long-standing pattern.
Consider seeking support from a friend, therapist, coach, or support group. Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can be a valuable resource as you work to make changes in your life.
Take Away
Breaking the habit of people pleasing is not an easy task, but it is definitely possible and necessary.
Understanding that it’s okay not to always be perfect or please everyone creates the space for relationships with others that are based on genuine respect and understanding.
When we commit to these practices, we create a more authentic life that is free from anxiety and worry of what others think about us.
By becoming more identifying your habits, focusing on personal growth, and setting healthier boundaries, you can start to put yourself first and reclaim control of your life.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, and to say “no” when necessary.
The journey to stop being a people pleaser will be challenging, but the reward of living a fulfilling life that is authentic to you will be worth it.
So, take the first step today, and start taking control of your life.
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